Howdy, folks. Welcome back to another Week in Review. This ol’ cowboy’s got a sack full of news so fresh, they’ll slap you in the face — kind of like my ornery old horse, Bucky, when I try to feed him carrots when he’s in a bad mood. This week, we’ve got everything from Coinbase heists to Microsoft layoffs. Giddy up!
A Heist at the OK Coinbase Corral
Well, butter my biscuit, Coinbase got robbed blind and didn’t even see it comin’. The bandits made off with customers’ personal info, including government-issued IDs. Instead of demanding a bag of gold coins and riding into the sunset, these tech desperadoes demanded a cool $20 million. But Brian Armstrong, the head honcho of Coinbase, reckons he ain’t paying no ransom — like trying to convince my wife not to spend her life savings on those newfangled robot vacuums.
Chime’s Big Rodeo
Now, Chime is fixin’ to hit the ol’ stock exchange like a steer in a rodeo pen. Filed for an IPO and kept the details as scarce as teeth in a chicken. Only thing we learned? They struck a deal with the Dallas Mavericks to slap their logo on a jersey back in 2018. Might as well stick a sticker on Bucky and call him a corporate partner.
Wood Stronger than a Cactus’ Spines
Heck, this here InventWood has rolled out “Superwood” that’s tougher than nails and strong as steel. Plans to whip up structural beams from it — beams stiffer than my back after a day in the saddle. Y'all better knock on this Superwood if you find any, and hope it works out smoother than my last ranch hand.
The Granola Gold Rush
Ain’t it something? These tech whippersnappers can’t stop yammering about an AI note-taking app called Granola. A hot topic like a saloon brawl, it has lassoed $43 million in a Series B funding round. Heck, that's enough dough to buy a ranch and fill it with robot cowboys.
Google Gets the Stink Eye
Y’all ever seen a skunk in a henhouse? That’s what YC thinks about Google. Claimed Google’s spookin’ the innovation right outta fledglin’ startups. Wrote a whole dang brief for a US antitrust case but ain’t callin’ for Google’s head just yet. Reminds me of my missus complaining about the weather but refusing to move to sunnier pastures.
Apple’s Accessibility Stampede
Apple’s out here shoutin’ howdy with a heap of new accessibility features. They even cooked up somethin’ called Accessibility Nutrition Labels. It’s like they’ve added power steering to a buckboard or invented a saddle that don’t throw ya off.
Microsoft Trims the Herd
Microsoft’s let go of around 3% of its workforce, like thinning out a herd before winter hits. Over 6,500 folks are lookin’ for new pastures, even though the company’s pockets are jingle-janglin’ with $70.1 billion in revenue. If only I could cut bills as easily as they cut staff.
Gemini Riding Shotgun in Your Wagon
At the Android Show, the company heralded that Gemini, Google’s smart assistant, will be takin' a ride in cars with Android Auto. Kinda like having a chatty old pardner riding shotgun, keeping you company on those lonely open roads.
The Name-Change Rodeo
HBO's gone and flip-flopped its name more times than a cowboy at a square dance. They went from HBO Go to HBO Now, then HBO Max, and now back to HBO Max again. They’ve changed names more times than my wife changes her mind about what to cook for dinner.
Uber’s New Amigo, Route Share
Uber’s trotting out Route Share, a commuter shuttle that’ll round up passengers like a bus, stopping every 20 minutes. It’s a slick idea, akin to roping cattle in an autonomous vehicle. Now, that’s puttin’ horse sense into modern travel.
New Frontiers with Old Worries
Well, tarnation! The New York Times claimed investors were pitched a startup reminiscent of Theranos by none other than Elizabeth Holmes' partner. Maybe this time it'll be a walkin’ success and not just a fancy cattle rustle.
And, of course, Uber’s been on this journey of gobblin’ up services like a cowboy at a breakfast buffet. Now with “Uber One Member Days” aiming to lasso in more customers, it’s expanding faster than my waistband after too many campfire meals.
Stay safe, y’all. And remember, don’t take no wooden nickels nor Superwood beams!